Kanayo O. Kanayo (Minister), Eucharia Anunobi (Sapphire), Sola Sobowale (Ronke), Daniel K. Daniel (Gray), Danrele Odun (Lorenzo), Gloria Young (Emerald), Chineynye (Soma), Browny Igboegwu (Morgan). Screenplay/ Executive Producer, Chidi Umeoji; Director of Photography, Chuks Nwali; Director, Vincent D. Anointed. © 2024.
To be frank, Abuja Runs seems like a, what must I call it, Abuja drug run? Abuja Runs is a graduated form of A Trip to Abuja (2003) Nollywood Movie Reviews, pp. 105-107. A Trip to Abuja stars Genevieve Nnaji (Sharon), a common, and not quite 100 pounds, a girl who takes a stand to challenge the nouveau riche and the crème de la crème of Abuja. But she fell short against the manly world of Asso Rock. She was subdued in no time. Not even Queen of Asso Rock (2015), the Adim Williams directorial project, stars another Nollywood darling of the day, Omotola Jalade (Maryam), could muster strength enough to stand the mammoth strength of Asso Rock. There, too, the manly Asso Rock, overlooking Abuja in all its splendor and grace, couldn’t let her take the city by its manhood. As I said, Abuja Runs is a graduate of the earlier Abuja stories, yet it’s devastating.
Abuja Runs has an interesting political underlay that didn’t play a prominent role in the narrative. It does, anyhow, manage to bring the story to a close. When you hear Dan Laden (Kanayo O. Kanayo) playing a Northern Hausa, assuming a political role here, with his usual dexterity and approach to acting, you bet your life you will have your dollar worth. And with Sobuwale King of Boys (2023), fame, and UK, in Area Mama (2007), Eucharia Anunobi Ekwu, the globetrotting drug runner aunt of Mercy Johnson, you’ll assume this screen is going to catch afire. With the caliber of stars parading in this film and Nollywood big hitters, you better watch Abuja Runs; someone will warn you before you regret the rest of your life. It is all glitter and turns out to be gold as well.
Upon seeing Ronke (Sola Sobowale) at her entrance, I quickly went to the refrigerator and got myself a cold one. I have seen her in King of Boys 1 and 2–her unholy alliance with the church and how she claimed back her chair upon her return from exile from New York. She wrestles with the unruly criminal crop of Yoruba gangsters of Lagos. I can’t forget that. She let me down here, though, and my blood pressure indeed went up because of her never-ending tantrums. You bet she had to take milligrams of sedatives to cool her nerves when she wrapped up her parts. I did swallow some pills afterward, too. Sola, Sola, Sola….! It is all a trademark of her own, that ranting.
When Nollywood Titans are lined up in a production of this sort, one only needs to see beyond the glitter, considering the title of the movie––a connotation of either a drug run or something bearing on crime. There’s nothing here to see or amuse you. Still, hearts are broken, innocent people or women ripped off money and gold jewelry, safes thrown open with all the contents hopping on a midnight flight to Italy, gold and money ripped off wealthy Alhajis. “tif, tif, God laugh,” as we say in our street parlance.
Queen Of Asso Rock and A Trip to Abuja follow their themes and tell straight from the heart, from start to end. Queen of Asso Rock, especially A Trip to Abuja, starts the composition from somewhere, Lagos or someplace, and makes the journey to Abuja–the premise to take Abuja manhood by its balls. Abuja Runs instantly and genuinely reminds one of a drug run to Abuja when I see it features Eucharia (UK), as in Area Mama (2007), the globetrotting drug dealer in Adim Williams’s production. My bet isn’t far from the truth; Interpol arrests Sapphire at her grand exit in Abuja Runs for murder and drug trafficking in Europe.
Unlike Abuja Runs, in A Trip to Abuja, Genevieve Nnaji never messed with Gym rats; they had nothing to offer her. She had come out to Abuja seeking greener pastures among the shameless and “heartless nouve riche,” as Ronke would call them. Instead, she went after the rich and famous. Still, the wives or cougars in Abuja who went to Dubai for lunch breaks messed with the boy toys who couldn’t pay their bills but spent their day in and day out in the gym; I mean, the drop-dead gorgeous, “G-Wagon creeds, and their entire wardrobes they carry in their cars because they’re practically homeless.” In Abuja Runs, Ronke messes with a young one, her trainer; who she shares with her daughter, who gets her pregnant.
Let us analyze Abuja Runs. This movie is all glitter and gold of course—it does tell a story, but they are all villains; not even the Minister is excluded. A plot is fielded when the Senior Senator walks into the Minister’s office and snitches, “Some committee members are calling for your head.” To which the Minister exclaims, “Audhu billahi!” Interesting plot point. In screenwriting, when you show the gun in an early scene, we expect that gun to fire by the last scene. When the politician visits the Minister and snitches about the conspiracy against him, there must have been a fallout, when the action would occur, as we experienced in Tenants of the House (2019), Tunde Babalola’s quaint little story about a Shakespearean type of political conspiracy against Hon. Samuel (Tunde Babalola). Eventually, the young and promising Senator is assassinated. Very interesting. The Minister is only telling Ronke in a scene that he is being fired by the president. That is not grievous as an important plot point, as we consider the minister to be in the play. The proverbial gun did indeed fire in the case of Minister, but with a thud.
One would ask oneself about the objective in Abuja Runs. What does the story achieve? Of course, Euchuria Onunobi operating under a pseudonym (Sapphire), is discovered and arrested for crimes she committed in Italy. Then Ronke’s daughter gets pregnant by her trainer, and Morgan does away with Emerald’s hoard of gold in her safe. She reminds me of the ladies in A Trip to Abuja who package young girls for big shots for a percentage. A rabble-rouser like Ronke, whose secretary throws the money on the floor, and walks out of the boutique. In this movie, Chidi Umeoji, the screenwriter of Abuja Runs, didn’t exercise mercy for any of his players. They are all a crop of villains marked for doom—the end of the plot scene, in which the minister reports his firing by the president, is a testament but, isn’t practical. A thud, I could say!
Morgan (Browny Igboegwu) empties Emerald’s safe of jewelry, and upon discovery, shoots herself. Ronke’s daughter gives her entire hoard of jewelry to her gym boyfriend with the pretense of making duplicates for their future illustrious wedding. He skips town for Italy. To sum up, and amid the Abuja titles: Abuja Connections, Abuja Girls, Midnight Abuja Runs, and the managerie of notable players, there has never been a successful assault on this monolithic. The Minister, his wife Ronke, Sapphire, Emerald, and all go down before the cotton goes down on the history of Nollywood fat rats against Abuja. Abuja as Asso Rock symbolizes, is a medieval, rock standing tall, like a mystical giant of all the gods of Niger, watching over that piece of sacred land called Nigeria. It has usurped A Trip to Abuja, Queen of Asso Rock, and now Abuja Runs.